he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
