dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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