Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
