absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
