Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i believe in u and ur pee
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
