So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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