If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Boobs speak an international language.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize