i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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