everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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