if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
