fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
