the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize