Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
