I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
