You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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