It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
