I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
