hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
