I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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