I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
