we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Vodka?
Forever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
