The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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