she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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