I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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