I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize