how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
