Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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