I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
