do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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