I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
