All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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