omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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