I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
