I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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