At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
