I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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