I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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