plz talk dirty to me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
