Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
