piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
