Im at strip club and am horny
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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