Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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