just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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