He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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