the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
