someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
