two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hippo gnu deer
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
