dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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