I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize