He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
