I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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