respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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