i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
