i jhust puked up my retainher.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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