I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
