hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize