1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
