Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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