if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
