to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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