2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
