Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
