You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
