im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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