We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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