I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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