I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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