i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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