Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
