So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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