Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
