I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
