Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize