I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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